Decide
Already.

Someone actually submitted this.

Should I Text My Ex? — Lois Lane asking if Clark is Superman

“Dear Decision Lab, My name is Lois, and I am writing to you about my ex-boyfriend, Clark. I met him at work. The first few months of our relationship were great. He seemed to be everything I wanted in a boyfriend -- kind, honest, smart, responsible. I loved him. Then, he started behaving strangely. The first sign of strange behavior came when we went out to dinner to introduce him to my parents. We were at a fancy restaurant, having a great conversation, when Clark suddenly left to go to the restroom. He was gone for a very long time. My parents got tired and went home. Finally, after 3 hours, Clark returned to the restaurant covered in smoke with burns on his body. I asked what happened, and Clark apologized and told me that he had to poop and fart badly, so he was in the restroom for a long time. As he was on the toilet, he tried to smoke a cigarette to relieve stress, but when he attempted to light the cigarette, the fire from the lighter and the gas from his farts caused a massive explosion, covering his body with smoke and burning him. His story seemed crazy. I had never seen Clark smoke before, and no one can fart that powerfully. Still, I accepted his apology. But one month later, Clark did something, perhaps, even stranger. We were at my sister's wedding. Just as the ceremony was about to begin, Clark said he had to use the toilet and sprinted out of the building. He missed the entire wedding ceremony and arrived at the after-party two hours later, completely covered in water. I asked what happened, and Clark apologized and told me that he pooped so much that he clogged the toilet, causing the restroom to flood, covering him with water, and forcing him to swim to safety. This time, I could not forgive him. I thought he must be crazy. He embarrassed me and my entire family. My parents were furious. My sister was crying. I told Clark to go away and never speak to me again. After apologizing to my sister and family, I spent the next few weeks in disbelief, often crying. I wondered how I got in a relationship with such a crazy person. But this afternoon, I discovered something shocking. I found a bag of clothes that Clark left at my house. In it, there was a blue and red spandex suit and a red cape -- something a superhero would wear. I checked the internet and found that the night Clark returned from the toilet covered in smoke was the same night that Superman saved 50 people from a burning apartment building. I did more research and found that the day Clark embarrassed me at my sister's wedding was the same day that Superman saved 42 people from a ship that sank just off the coast. I think Clark might not be crazy after all. I think he might be a hero. I think he might be Superman. And, I think I still love him. Should I text Clark to ask if he is Superman? Sincerely, Lois Lane”